Helping your Teen Warm Up to the Idea of Therapy
Written by Angie Vanderwees.
Sometimes people come to therapy and have a lot to get off their chest and fill a whole hour with just talking—that’s okay. Other times clients come in and are more closed off, not sure where to start or what to say, and that’s okay too. I don’t ever want my clients to feel pressured to talk, and that’s why I navigate my “talk” therapy a bit differently. For example, with teens I’ve played UNO as an icebreaker, which allows them to warm up to the idea of sharing space and talking with me. I also like to use tools like the Feelings Wheel or video clips that we can watch together and talk about afterwards.
According to Bennett, Lindahl, Wharton and Mak (2017), often teens who are struggling refuse to attend counseling at all. For those who do attend, there are sometimes reservations around sharing intimate information or a belief that no one can help them. Bennett et al. go on to share some “out of the box” ideas that can help teens to engage in the process of therapy, such as inviting the client to share their music with the therapist. I’m always looking for new ideas and ways to make my young clients more comfortable.
If you have a teen who is reluctant to come to therapy, here’s a few things to consider that might help them warm up to the idea:
Each and every client I work with is free to set their own goals. It’s important that parents understand that sometimes those goals may differ from the aspirations others have for them (parents, teachers).
Some young clients are more comfortable having a parent sit in with them for the first session, while others wish for their therapy to be private and separate from family life. Outside of the limits of confidentiality (such as concerns for a client’s safety) intimate details of sessions are never shared with parents without a client’s consent.
Not talking right off the bat is okay. Sometimes I encourage younger clients to write down thoughts and feelings they can share with me through writing rather than talking. I also keep paper and drawing materials in my office so that clients can express feelings and experiences with pictures or colours.
We don’t only have to talk about the hard stuff! I love to hear about music and TV shows my clients are into, or what sports and hobbies they like.
I offer both online and in-person sessions, and for some teens and parents, online therapy is a lot more comfortable and convenient—you don’t have to leave your bedroom!
Often times once they become comfortable, teens share feedback that talking to me was actually easier than talking to friends or parents. Sometimes people don’t get the support they need from those closest to them, or friends and family are distracted and dealing with their own stressors. Therapy is always a safe and nonjudgmental place to share what’s on your mind.
If you have a teen who has been reluctant to attend therapy or they’re on the fence about it, see if they’d be up for a FREE 15 minute meet and greet call.
If there’s still resistance: Try not to force the issue but do your best to listen and understand what their reservations are. Maybe they don't think there's a problem? Or think a therapist won’t understand? (Trabucco, 2021). To reduce the stigma, it can help to compare mental therapy to visiting a doctor when one is in physical pain. Almost everyone struggles with things like anxiety and depression at some point in their life, and seeking support doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
Willingness to change and having motivation to get help are important factors for successful psychotherapy treatment (Trabucco, 2021), and sometimes it can take time for younger clients to get there. When your child is ready, I’ll be here.
References
Bennett, E. D., Le, K., Lindahl, K., Wharton, S., & Weng Mak, T. (2017). Five out of the box techniques for encouraging teenagers to engage in counselling. Retrieved from VISTAS Online American Counselling Association Knowledge Center website: https://www. counseling. org/docs/default-source/vistas/encouraging-teenagers. pdf.
Trabucco, A. (2021, September 17). How to encourage your teen to go to counseling. Parent Corner Blog. Retrieved from https://www.raisingresilience.org/post/how-to-encourage-your-teen-to-go-to-counseling
